Why is resilience important?

Why is resilience important? Parents always wish for their child to be smart, hoping that they will be successful in their lives. However, research(1) shows that being smart is no longer enough in this current world. Childhood certainly isn’t without its stresses. Taking a tumble in the playground, encountering and dealing with bullies at school, getting sick, making new friends or changing schools – these are some of the challenges your little ones need to persevere in order to be successful in their life. That is why being resilience is important for a child’s development.

If you’re curious to find out about the qualities that help kids navigate such challenges, recent research(2) sheds some light on the issue. Ultimately, what helps them are resilience and independence. Resilient, independent kids are problem-solvers, resourceful and work hard to find solutions to tough situations by themselves. This determination for kids will be valuable to them throughout their lives.

Here are a few tips:

1. Avoid helping your child if you know he can help himself

As mums, it’s perfectly normal for you to want to help your kids with everything. But doing this can actually cause your kids to develop what’s called dependency. It’s just one of the effects of helicopter parenting that could happen to your child.

Experts(3) define learned helplessness as the general belief that “one is incapable of accomplishing tasks and has little or no control of the environment.” What this means for your kids as they grow up is that they give up all too easily when faced with a challenge.

The next time you get the urge to help your little one do something you know he can do alone, resist. Remind yourself of the answer to the question “Why is resilience important?” And set your child on the road to independence and perseverance.

2. Avoid asking “why” questions

Imagine your primary schooler has left his school diary in the library. The first thing you might ask him is “WHY did you do that?” He will probably answer you, “Because I forgot it.”

Experts(4) say that “why” questions aren’t really useful in promoting problem-solving in little ones. Instead, they recommend asking “how” questions instead. So instead of asking your child why he left his school diary behind, you could instead try asking him, “So you left your school diary in the library. How are you going to find it again?”

This encourages your child to be resourceful in finding a realistic solution to the problem and he may very well answer you with “I’ll ask the librarian if it’s in the lost-and-found box.” As you can see, he’s on the right track to finding a solution to the problem.

Be your children’s “safety zone”. Don’t push them into unfamiliar situations until they are ready.

3. Don’t push your child to the unfamiliar

Mums, you must have came across that child who thrives in adapting to new situations, the one who won’t hesitate to volunteer to demonstrate a new move at gym class, or who immediately feels at home in his new preschool. But not all kids are like this.

As tempting as it may be for you to push your child (who is clinging to your leg) to also try out that new gym moves, doing so may actually harm his self-confidence rather than boost it. If you want to raise resilient kids, you need to nurture his confidence in himself.

Try changing your own expectations to make room for your little one’s uncertainties. If it takes some time for him to get used to something new, so be it, and reassure him that it’s okay. Step by step with perseverance, your child will be able to achieve any of his goal. This is key in raising a confident child. When the time is right, you can be sure that he will go forth with confidence and courage.

Article sourced from theAsianparent Malaysia:                                          

 An open letter to the mummy of the little girl who hurt herself at the playground...

Sources:

1 Whitehall & , Hill & , Yost & , Kidwell. (2018). Being Smart Is Not Enough to Ensure Success: Integrating Personal Development into a General Education Course. The Journal of General Education. 65. 241. 10.5325/jgeneeduc.65.3-4.0241.

2 http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-tips-for-raising-resilient-kids/

3 http://study.com/academy/lesson/learned-helplessness-in-children-definition.html

4 https://www.melbournechildpsychology.com.au/blog/why-we-should-avoid-asking-why/